Emergency Public Announcement. Or blog post.

This is so urgent I had to take a break from my three straight hours of astronomy research and writing.

Because I am a good citizen, I flushed a stranger's poop.

Roanoke College girls are disgusting. Don't compare them to boys. Just don't. When it comes to excrement, most boys keep it around because if it's "impressive", it marks the perpetrator's manliness. They take amusement from poop. Girls don't. They are lazy. They are lazy, vile and possibly, simply put, stupid. They don't follow the golden rule; they don't take into account that other femmes do not wish to see the evidence of someone else using the library bathroom previously.

Society has gone through great lengths to make sure that humans do not have to go through a lot of "work" to do gross jobs. Garbage disposals with the flick of a switch, how-to guides to train your cat to go on a toilet to avoid messy litter box cleaning, and even automatic flushers for potties. (Pottys? English language tells me otherwise.)

Roanoke College does not have automatic flushers. Because of this, some students consider Roanoke as "ghetto". Poor souls are forced to take responsibility to turn around, sometimes come to terms of what just came out of them, and actually perform a simple function to make that stuff go away. Crisis!

This ordeal happened when I was taking a break from researching redshifts and dark matter to go to the bathroom in the bottom floor of the library. Glancing into the stalls, I was hoping to go into the first one to answer Nature's call. Unfortunately, the first stall was too busy housing one tiny poo, floating sadly, most likely embarrassed of being seen. I went in the second stall and afterwards, decided it would be the good Episcopalian act to flush the ugly little thing away.

I have heard multiple stories from my friends (I hang with a "make sure it went down the drain" crew) about disgusting habits of Roanoke girl bathrooms. Basic unflushed toilet paper, drunk-induced vomit messes left for days, and [men, avert thine eyes] used condoms hanging out freely in the porcelain bowl.

Girls, what is wrong with you? I'm not even going to refer to them as "women's" stalls because I'm sure everyone reading this has seen children's restrooms in better condition (although, that may be due to the fact that they have not started going through puberty yet). Nevertheless, please just take a moment to stop worrying about replying to that text message from your one-night stand and before you leave the bathroom to pick up your phone, PLEASE just take a moment to flush. Or just put a kitty litter box in your room to spare us your vile waste. Swine.