Wednesday, August 25, 2010

If you're not my friend, I charge by the amount of crap you own.

Closet cleaning is a specialty of mine thanks to my big sister and my mother. When I was young, we regularly cleaned out closets and rooms because there was a lot of room-hopping due to siblings in boarding/prep schools, moving out and home renovations. I've lived in every bedroom in the house at some point except for the (current) master bedroom. For those who don't know me, that's four bedrooms...however, one of them had turned into an office since the addition. Still, that's a lot of moving.

I've helped clean out so many closets, bedrooms, and dorm rooms of friends (and my room repeatedly since it's always a mess just hours after I've cleaned it) that I am considering a job as a host on TLC for some cleaning/organizing/makeover show. (What major do you need for that?)

It's really not as hard as you think. All you need are the four T's:

- Time -- or not, considering how quick and efficient you are.
- Type-A friend(s) who will help you with motivation and second opinions.
- Trash bags.
- Tunes

I know that the girls I've helped cleaning out their rooms were a success because I had a great team behind me as well. Dylan, Brittany, and Kylee all have Type-A personalities, talents in various styling departments, and an unforgiving attitude to clothes you shouldn't have in your wardrobe (e.g. it doesn't fit, it has holes/unremovable stains, you own three of the same thing, it's hideous, etc).

What's important about cleaning out your closet is getting rid of clutter, being reminded of things you forgot you own, and, of course, making room for things you actually need. ("What do you MEAN you don't own a pair of basic black heels?")

And before you go bossing other people around about what they should have in their closets/rooms, learn the craft first and understand you're not remodeling YOUR closet, but someone else's. This person has different tastes and styles that flatter them; learn and work with the style. Don't throw away all of their floral attire to make room for black clothes with pointy studded embellishments: you're helping them, not invading them.

I've cleaned out college dorms and by the end of two clean outs we delivered roughly six trash bags full of clothes to the Salem city Goodwill. This is a fact.

If you don't like my sassy method of getting rid of your closets excess crap, then read up on's Closet Makeover series. They're much nicer about it. But I know I'm much more efficient as a second-hand.

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